thinking of art (again)
Feb. 21st, 2025 08:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
buffshelI've drawn in my usual paint program (Procreate) like twice this month. I mean I've drawn more than that, but it hasn't exactly led to any sort of finished piece. And the one drawing I lined this year I didn't go through in coloring. Not sure what my problem is. It's not disappointment in my work: I think I'm finally over that hurdle. It's more a matter of art block maybe. I just have no real desire to draw anything; or else, I don't know what to draw when I sit down.
I've considered options as to how to get my brain unstuck. I took up pixel art at the beginning of this year and have very much enjoyed it. I haven't made very much yet, but I find them quick and fun. It's a very additive and subtractive process. Feels more like sculpting than 2D work in a sense. I use Pixaki Pro to make my pixel art and I really like it. Switching to what I consider a different medium of art (still digital, but very different process from illustrative work) has informed my process in Procreate with more hi-res, illustrative pieces: I am trying to color block the composition and line directly on top of my guiding shapes--skipping the sketching phase entirely. If I can make my illustrative process a little similar to my pixel process, then maybe I'll be more eager to take it up.
The other problem is I haven't worked enthusiastically in a physical sketchbook since high school. I had sketchbooks in college, but I was always sketching for assignments and I sort of became disenchanted with keeping a sketchbook. I tried to take it back up after graduation, but I was entirely burnt out and too stiff to work in one comfortably. Anyways I think working in a sketchbook again would ease the ideation process--or, better yet, be a process since I have none for thinking up ideas. In high school I used to fall into ideation naturally, but then in college everything was more regimented. Ideation was an assignment, and I was made to come up with things a certain way. I'm going to have to relearn that part of myself.
I looked back into my high school sketchbooks and took mental notes on what I was drawing and what I took influence from at the time. Looking at my sketchbooks, I could only determine that I was unconcerned. I did whatever I wanted. I wrote in lyrics from pop songs that have fallen out of popularity. I made lists of supplies I had to pack in prep for a marching band competition (I was guard captain senior year; there were 4 girls on the team so it wasn't much of a title but whatever). It's a sentimental time capsule. I have a little cheap booklet with thin, slick paper that I plan to work in again. I hope that, with time and patience, I can get back into the habit of it. Maybe I'll start simply. Pick a song I really like at this point in time and write down some of my favorite lyrics. Or maybe copy down a poem I enjoy. Just anything to break it in before I use it for drawing.
It's more difficult that it seems. I need to relax about it, but it's like I've forgotten how. I feel like I'm in physical therapy for something that isn't physical--like my art muscle got absolutely wasted in some traumatic accident. I've also been trying to train my brain that it's OK to quit on a piece if I'm just not feeling it anymore. No need to force something to completion if I don't have even the smallest interest in returning to it.
The good news is, I know I'm improving in terms of my mental health. I've pushed myself to learn digital art. I've gotten comfortable with digital programs and using the stylus and screen. This year I really want to focus on making the process of making art more enjoyable.
I also want to try to get back on some select social medias (not instagram though lmao) because I make art to share art. I wish I could say I made art for only myself, but I'd be lying. I want to make things for people that will like and enjoy those things. I can't waylay that part of myself. I still plan to build out more of my website and host some of my art there, but I really don't want to cut myself out of social media completely. I want to be where the people are, too.
There's also a lot of personal stuff going on that's interfering with my creativity. Certain BIG stressors like applying for better jobs, moving to a different apartment, applying for grad school. It's a lot on my plate. I get so stressed about things; I never used to get this stressed. Not until college. Sometimes I wonder if there's something actually wrong with me, because I'm like 80-90% convinced college fucked with my brain chemistry and made me far more anxious than I used to be.
The short of it is, I'd love to make my art a place of comfort for myself. Someplace to retreat to and find rest in. I want rest more than anything.
I've considered options as to how to get my brain unstuck. I took up pixel art at the beginning of this year and have very much enjoyed it. I haven't made very much yet, but I find them quick and fun. It's a very additive and subtractive process. Feels more like sculpting than 2D work in a sense. I use Pixaki Pro to make my pixel art and I really like it. Switching to what I consider a different medium of art (still digital, but very different process from illustrative work) has informed my process in Procreate with more hi-res, illustrative pieces: I am trying to color block the composition and line directly on top of my guiding shapes--skipping the sketching phase entirely. If I can make my illustrative process a little similar to my pixel process, then maybe I'll be more eager to take it up.
The other problem is I haven't worked enthusiastically in a physical sketchbook since high school. I had sketchbooks in college, but I was always sketching for assignments and I sort of became disenchanted with keeping a sketchbook. I tried to take it back up after graduation, but I was entirely burnt out and too stiff to work in one comfortably. Anyways I think working in a sketchbook again would ease the ideation process--or, better yet, be a process since I have none for thinking up ideas. In high school I used to fall into ideation naturally, but then in college everything was more regimented. Ideation was an assignment, and I was made to come up with things a certain way. I'm going to have to relearn that part of myself.
I looked back into my high school sketchbooks and took mental notes on what I was drawing and what I took influence from at the time. Looking at my sketchbooks, I could only determine that I was unconcerned. I did whatever I wanted. I wrote in lyrics from pop songs that have fallen out of popularity. I made lists of supplies I had to pack in prep for a marching band competition (I was guard captain senior year; there were 4 girls on the team so it wasn't much of a title but whatever). It's a sentimental time capsule. I have a little cheap booklet with thin, slick paper that I plan to work in again. I hope that, with time and patience, I can get back into the habit of it. Maybe I'll start simply. Pick a song I really like at this point in time and write down some of my favorite lyrics. Or maybe copy down a poem I enjoy. Just anything to break it in before I use it for drawing.
It's more difficult that it seems. I need to relax about it, but it's like I've forgotten how. I feel like I'm in physical therapy for something that isn't physical--like my art muscle got absolutely wasted in some traumatic accident. I've also been trying to train my brain that it's OK to quit on a piece if I'm just not feeling it anymore. No need to force something to completion if I don't have even the smallest interest in returning to it.
The good news is, I know I'm improving in terms of my mental health. I've pushed myself to learn digital art. I've gotten comfortable with digital programs and using the stylus and screen. This year I really want to focus on making the process of making art more enjoyable.
I also want to try to get back on some select social medias (not instagram though lmao) because I make art to share art. I wish I could say I made art for only myself, but I'd be lying. I want to make things for people that will like and enjoy those things. I can't waylay that part of myself. I still plan to build out more of my website and host some of my art there, but I really don't want to cut myself out of social media completely. I want to be where the people are, too.
There's also a lot of personal stuff going on that's interfering with my creativity. Certain BIG stressors like applying for better jobs, moving to a different apartment, applying for grad school. It's a lot on my plate. I get so stressed about things; I never used to get this stressed. Not until college. Sometimes I wonder if there's something actually wrong with me, because I'm like 80-90% convinced college fucked with my brain chemistry and made me far more anxious than I used to be.
The short of it is, I'd love to make my art a place of comfort for myself. Someplace to retreat to and find rest in. I want rest more than anything.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-18 10:20 am (UTC)Oh yeah, I completely get that. It sometimes happens with my writing. What's super frustrating sometimes is that an idea can come to you during the day but when you sit down to actually work on it, the idea is gone or it no longer feels like a good one, so you're left sitting there like "wtf do i do?".
From the pixel art I have seen from you so far, I think you're really good at it! :] It's super cute.
YIPPEEE!! I am so happy for you. -hugs-.
And that is honestly valid. There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever. A lot of people like to throw the whole "you should be doing it for yourself" bollocks but they never quite understand that a lot of creatives want people to see our stuff and like it and enjoy it.
God I feel this so much. I hope you can find that rest that you need. -hugs-.