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art confidence, sketchbooking, bad habits, etc.
Tonight I'm thinking a lot about my (bad) habit of deleting old art I made from my feed that I no longer like. There are a few people who genuinely like and support my work, even my older work that I wipe from online spaces. I know I need to stop with that.
I guess I want to make it clear that I appreciate such support and that, moving forward, I'm going to try not to delete stuff because I know--even if my feelings towards my older art change--that some people still really like those older pieces.
Also, if there's any older piece I've obliterated from my feed that anyone wants to see again, feel free to dm me. I probably won't re-upload, but I can certainly send images directly. I've scrapped a lot of older artworks from my socials, but I haven't scrapped them from my life; I keep all my art in a local folder on my desktop.
I think some of this comes down to shame or embarrassment--not so much for what I'm drawing but more in terms of my skillset. I feel like I'm going through my own personal renaissance and metamorphoses right now and that my art gets better and better from month to month. It's exciting, but exhausting. In the thick of such exponential growth, it happens often that something I was proud of only a week ago I then abhor the following week. Which sucks. I know a lot of it is in my head. I look at other artists that are (subjectively) less far along in their learning than I am. I am far kinder and loving of their work than I am towards my own. And I do love their work.
I suppose I cannot love mine the same because it is my own. I am so self-critical that it makes me ill. I'm trying to be better in that regard. I don't want to be arrogant, but I want SO BADLY to be confident. It is very early in the year, and I am praying for some peace of mind.
In other news, I've been trying to test my new process. Made a headshot portrait today of Franco Barbi from Outlast Trials. His face is so fun to draw. I didn't sketch in my usual manner but opted instead to "block out" the form with bigger brush strokes and then line over that guiding structure on a separate layer. It went fairly well. I've started another piece using this method ft. Charles Smith and my RDO oc. This one is more involved and illustrative with a background and full-bodied figures (i.e. it's a lot more than a headshot). This will be the real test of my new process. Tonight I've stopped at the blocking-in of the piece and will start lineart tomorrow. We will see.
I have yet to start in my new sketchbook. I know I need to, but I really can't get over how irrecoverably stiff I am. I'm not used to working in a sketchbook, much less having 'fun' in a sketchbook. I think I'm going to try to build up a routine of comfort around working in it. Maybe putting on special tea or coffee to sip on while working in it. Lighting a scented candle. Working someplace I normally wouldn't. Someplace in my apartment to designate strictly for working in my sketchbook. Maybe sitting on the floor next to the coffee table. Maybe even outdoors, if the weather permits.
Anyway, if you've ever supported me in any way: thank you so so very much. I mean it. If I delete something you've commented under, reblogged, liked, etc. it's not you. Trust. It's me and my silly, hyper-critical brain.
I guess I want to make it clear that I appreciate such support and that, moving forward, I'm going to try not to delete stuff because I know--even if my feelings towards my older art change--that some people still really like those older pieces.
Also, if there's any older piece I've obliterated from my feed that anyone wants to see again, feel free to dm me. I probably won't re-upload, but I can certainly send images directly. I've scrapped a lot of older artworks from my socials, but I haven't scrapped them from my life; I keep all my art in a local folder on my desktop.
I think some of this comes down to shame or embarrassment--not so much for what I'm drawing but more in terms of my skillset. I feel like I'm going through my own personal renaissance and metamorphoses right now and that my art gets better and better from month to month. It's exciting, but exhausting. In the thick of such exponential growth, it happens often that something I was proud of only a week ago I then abhor the following week. Which sucks. I know a lot of it is in my head. I look at other artists that are (subjectively) less far along in their learning than I am. I am far kinder and loving of their work than I am towards my own. And I do love their work.
I suppose I cannot love mine the same because it is my own. I am so self-critical that it makes me ill. I'm trying to be better in that regard. I don't want to be arrogant, but I want SO BADLY to be confident. It is very early in the year, and I am praying for some peace of mind.
In other news, I've been trying to test my new process. Made a headshot portrait today of Franco Barbi from Outlast Trials. His face is so fun to draw. I didn't sketch in my usual manner but opted instead to "block out" the form with bigger brush strokes and then line over that guiding structure on a separate layer. It went fairly well. I've started another piece using this method ft. Charles Smith and my RDO oc. This one is more involved and illustrative with a background and full-bodied figures (i.e. it's a lot more than a headshot). This will be the real test of my new process. Tonight I've stopped at the blocking-in of the piece and will start lineart tomorrow. We will see.
I have yet to start in my new sketchbook. I know I need to, but I really can't get over how irrecoverably stiff I am. I'm not used to working in a sketchbook, much less having 'fun' in a sketchbook. I think I'm going to try to build up a routine of comfort around working in it. Maybe putting on special tea or coffee to sip on while working in it. Lighting a scented candle. Working someplace I normally wouldn't. Someplace in my apartment to designate strictly for working in my sketchbook. Maybe sitting on the floor next to the coffee table. Maybe even outdoors, if the weather permits.
Anyway, if you've ever supported me in any way: thank you so so very much. I mean it. If I delete something you've commented under, reblogged, liked, etc. it's not you. Trust. It's me and my silly, hyper-critical brain.